I am going to make two blogs because so much has happened that i need to compartmentalise it a bit! So this one will be from hanoi to hue and next one will be from hue to hoi an and a touch of nha trang.
my memeory now slightly faded, i'll do my best!
on the second we sight-saw hanoi! on the cards were ho chi minhs mausoleum and the temple of literature, and wherever us intrugue carried us. We would eventually and reluctantly fall into the hoard of lonely-planet donning backpackers - easy targets for the street sellers. Now Richie is the head of vietnam.
in that he is the tour guide for it. so when arrived at the mausoleum at 1) 12.05 pm and 2) wearing shorts and t-shirts it came as a complete shock that 1) visiting hours were from 9-11.30 and 2 - 5 and 2) that only those with pants and long sleeves on were granted entry. We still got the token photo proving our attempted attendance... we went for a wander puchased some totally sweet pants for $5 bucks and looked around for a bite. we ducked down a side street and sat in a seedy, family owned locals only shop. we asked for whatever, and got it (it was pho with chicken bones and salmonella). Salmonella is a decorative description only as the meal was wicked and the people were absolutely lovely - they were the first we encoutered on our trip actually not wanting to accept a tip!
we visited the temple of literature where confucious and his prophets once studied, were enlightened, then strolled around a bonsai plantation. we then went back to the ho chi minh mausoleum - but weren't able to view the body! apparently this can only be done in the morning, dang. but really its not like i don't see enough dead bodies!
We caught a cyclo home, got severly ripped off, and then i can't remember want happened. I think we went out for tea...Yep we diefnately did. And it was probs one of the classiest places in hanoi - and cost us 5 Aussie bling. feeling pretty good, we walked down the flight of stairs and spotted a sign adevertising a massage parlour (there is no shortage of them, promise). Yep, we could go a RELAXED massage! we got into the sauna, and made our way to the closed-door room. The closed-door room is a trap, especially for claustrophobics. With no hestitatation my clearly trained and experienced masseuse named cuc plastered an imaginary object in the air, resembling a phallis, and offered, no beckoned (shouldn't flatter myself like that!) in the characteristic vietnamese english 'you wan massaaaaaa!' Now remembering the warnings I have received about such massages i pointed to my back, layed on my stomach, and for the next hour received the most unrelaxed, tense massage i have ever received. The time finally came for me to leave, thankyou buddha!, but she would not let me out. cuc demanded a tip and would not accept anything less than 100,000. I reluctantly gave it to her hot-footed it out of there. It was ten more minutes before Richie emereged.
Needing a beer from our duelly stressful experience, we had one. two. three etc and went to bed.
I woke early and went for a jog around the ancent lake. It was beautiful! I stood out like a shag on a rock - running is an excercise for wealthy westerners and kenyans, apparently - but enjoyed the run with camera in hand. It was about 6 am, as rich and i had to catch a 7 am bus to Halong Bay. Around the ancient Hoiem Lake (where it is rumoured lives a mystical turtle that surfaces every couple of years, you spot him, good fortune forever!) countless Hanoian locals excercise to crazy tunes. It's like line dancing on mass but interesting and without Billy Ray Cirus. On the journey a woman who spoke french chased me with a basket of chocolait baguettes on her head. I have wondered the whole time I have been away how there aren't more crashes. Well I saw my first one, two kids on a bike. I'd also wondered how the locals react (I have read that in India they tear the perpertrator of the accident apart with their nails). But old gracious baguette woman pissed herself and was nudging me to piss myself with her. I acquiesced to the chocolait bageuttes after a good 2 blocks worth of being chased.
So we got our shit together and hoped on the bus not anticipating that the bus trip very nearly became our last! We were driving to Halong Bay but clearly buying a stairway to heaven. Michael Schumacher was behind the wheel without a motor cortex but with a minibus full of now-weighing-less-post-scared-defacation people. We made it though. Another side story that affirms my belief about middle aged american tourists. A couple from LA were on their honeymoon. The groom wore a purple kaftan with an american embroidered on the left shoulder. The bride was severly anaemic. He tried to quash her low Iron by feeding her a banana (the off-the-tree-kind) and then proceeded, after some calculated vocal aiming to make the busload aware of his challenge, to throw the banana peel out the window and onto a plant in the median. Celebrations began and they would have consimated their marriage had the driver not turned around and tried to bitch slap the indian supporting douche. "You not window, you not window," he shouted out of clenched teeth. The american, "But it was on the plant! It was on teh plant! Listen buddy, I don't believe in littering. I am a conservationist. It was on the plant, it was a great shot." A bitch slap soon came, but missed. All fell quiet. Except the honking of the horn as the driver overtook another 5 semitrailers.
We arrived in halong bay and were shuffled onto a boat. It was bloody cold - not what you anticipate of Vietnam! We sat down and were served up banquet (the package we bought was $47USD, all meals, two nights accom) of seafood, fried eggs, rice, coconut curries, beaf, salad, watermelon...Delicious! But..Äh, escuse me Mr, my wife here, you see, we're on our honeymoon. She is a special vegetarian. She doesnt eat see food or fruit. Can you get her some more vegetables?" "Ya, like honey said, I am a special vegetarian."
"But there tofu there. You eat tofu? An egg, and rice."
"I don't eat egg, tofu, rice anything but vegetables." sorry even i am bored with this story now, i promise not to write one's like this anymore. Ok basically the story is that she only ate bokchoy and papaya for the duration of the trip. The papaya she whipped out of her bag and slashed up with her own machete.
Anyway it is amazing scenery. Absolutely stunning. We went kayaking and swimming (no one else went in the ocean as it was bloody cold!) in a massive cavern ( i would upload pictures but cambodian internet is i guess a bit of a struggler!!). I proceeded with the peacock call. The locals loved it. So we floated around, enjoyed the scenery a little more and drank and ate and did more of the same. We joined an irish couple Leslie and Steven (leslie being a girl) and Mark and Jenny from england. We played cards, a game called shit head, and finished off the beer in the fridge (50c tiger). A good night. Leslie and Steven are coming to Melb in mid feb so we are going to see if we can hook them up at the local puggs...possibly a duelly beneficial arrangement!! We would evidently travel most of vietnam bumping into these rad individuals.
Next day we jumped ship to a boat where they were going for the three day adventure (most of the people on ours were only going on the 2 day one). We were happy to say goodbye to the happy couple. We then made our way to Catba island, the biggest island in the ha long archipaleago. Here we trekked through the jungle up to mountain lookout. The walk was wicked and rocky and i decided to sherpa and walk it thongless. We met some great people on the trip (Mary, David, Justin, Emily, Emily and Jody - for my memory!) and had interesting debates on the environment. Seemed appropriate considering our location. We took the beauty we saw, wandered break and munched on a cornetto. We then made our way to a remnant structure of the vietnam war - a hospital cave. It was amazing and even better was the ex-miliatry guide how gave as a march a salute and serving in vietnamese before entering.
We continued to Catba town, checked into a very appealing hotel and munched on another banquet. Post-prandial tiredness took me to sleep while the rest of the group ventured to monkey island (apparently the guide was showing off and got attacked by rabid, tormonented primates!). Richie and I later hit the town and indulged in a rat infested, bia hoi haven. Magic! 2000 Dong a beer, 18cents, can't go wrong. stayed there for a good while, contemplated karaoke, then departed. The best thing was that there was not a foreigner in sight, we were immersed in local flesh! We took to the streets and played asian version of hacky sack - a solid mass attached to some feathers - with the locals. I loved the pants I bought in Hanoi to $5 intended to get me into the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum after we were denied because our exposed skin. But after an almighty kick of the hacky, those pants were no more. The locals loved it and pointed me and tapped me, the silly white man, on the shoulder in an 'you're and idiot but i like you' type of way. We went to the local club met a few great travelers and a few less great ones and went to bed.
We woke, had some banquet-like breakfast again and departed catba island and the craziness and beauty of Ha Long Bay. Our bus trip back seemed alot safer than the to even though the driver was legally blind. We stopped off at another Workshop of Handicapped Children, where it seems the syntax of the statement identifies the creation of such. I don't mean to be cynical about apparently charitable things, but I felt the disadvantaged were working their fingers to the bone (much like the little lady who pulled landscaping duty in Happy Gilmore) while someone was making a neat little profit. Anyway in the workshop were pearls costing 25 times more than the same $8 ones i purchased on Catba Island (no mum, you did not just read the cost of your gift!). Anyway we made it back to Hanoi and decided to get on the night train to Hue. So we grabbed a bite with Justin and Emily (of opposite puggs, carlton) and jody and emily (a wicked young heterosexual american couple who as i said, were wicked).
Next post = train trip, hue, dogs, bites, injections, suits and fun
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